freebie friday....{freedom}

i've been doing some thinking lately.
thinking about who i am, how i  perceive myself and who God intends me to be.
have you ever felt weighted down by all that you feel you aren't?
that's been happening to me these past few days. most days, if i'm being honest.
its like carrying around a heavy chain.
and each time i don't measure up to who i think i should be, it feels like i'm adding yet another chain.

sometimes, the heaviest burden we can carry is the burden we don't even recognize.
it can change our attitude. it can alter how we interact with others. it can take away our hope.
and we don't even know it's there.

chains.....  bondage..........
difficult to grow, difficult to bless and difficult to receive blessings all locked up like that.

who do you say you are?
first and foremost, i say i am a child of God.
and if i ascribe to that first truth - i am a child of God - then i must ascribe to these next truths....
i am fearfully and wonderfully made.
i am made in His image.
His love is unconditional and merciful.
it is His intention to bless me.

we want to do better.
it's good to want to be a better mother, wife, business woman, sister.........fill in your blank.
but i know what happens next.
in our efforts to improve, the slightest set back or failure turns into self-incrimination.
we don't notice the progressive slide - from striving to do better to piling on negativity.
we have to give ourselves grace.
use our mistakes and failures as tools - not to berate ourselves with but to learn from.
our negative feelings about ourselves become chains.
weighing us down. dragging us down.
is that what God wants for us?
no way.

God wants us to be free.
and in Him, we are free.
free to be loved, free to make mistakes, free to grow..........
rest in Him. dwell in Him.
give those chains over to Him.
He will bear our burdens.

i've created this 8x10" printable as a reminder. we are free in Christ.
just click on the picture to download the printable .pdf file.

happy weekend!

take up your cross...........

painting by petals and brushes

"...whoever wants to be my disciple must deny themselves and take up their cross daily and follow me."

~ luke 9:23

our pastor spoke on this verse this past sunday.

did you know that the cross was the primary method of execution in that time?

gruesome, right?

yet us jesus-girls display our crosses proudly.......on our bodies, in our homes......

we want the world to know that we are CHRISTIANS.

we follow Christ.

but "taking up our cross" is so much more than just a symbol to show the world.

taking up our cross means sacrifice. dying to self. following the will of our God.

so often, i think i'm doing such a good job....

going to church, reading my bible...........

then i look back and see i dropped my cross a few blocks back.

i realize that, actually, i've just been satisfying my own needs.

ever been there?

reviewing my life, i can see so clearly those times that i put my cross down and continued on my way.

in my own way.

He didn't let me go, even then, but i know it would have been so much more...satisfying, joyful, peaceful.....(insert happy adjective here).......had i bore my cross.

'cause in the long run, it's so much easier.

following HIS way, listening and obeying HIS words.

and - pay attention now, this is a biggie - it says "daily"

we make the decision to follow Christ but the work doesn't stop there.

every day we must pick up our cross, decide to follow Him and do His will.

every day. every hour. every minute. every second.......

i mess up. i'm constantly dropping my cross. so i strive to check in with God every moment.

touch base, make sure i've got that cross...... 'cause i know He's got me.

maybe, instead of using our crosses to show something to the world, we should use our crosses for ourselves.

as a reminder.

got your cross?

guess where i am???

for the third year in a row. hallelujah.
i'm so looking forward to sinking into the worship and the word and the fellowship...
and - like He does every year - it's coming at such an opportune time.
but really, when don't we need that, right??

i will return refreshed, renewed and with a new sense of HIS purpose, i'm sure.
let the healing begin!!

life as planned........

this past weekend was a bit of a challenge.
i had expected a little bit of stress.
my brother was scheduled for surgery - removal of cancerous tumors.
shortly after his diagnosis, God brought me to a place of peace.
but still.......it's surgery, right?

plan: tumors removed, cancer all gone.
actual: surgeons unable to remove this rare tumor.

okay.
there's still hope.
there is treatment with successful outcomes.

while at the hospital with my family, i get a text from my husband
"dad is in the hospital"

my father-in-law will undergo bypass surgery in his leg to improve circulation.

okay.
relatively routine surgery, quick rehab.

at home, i phone my other brother to tell him about surgery outcome on brother #1.
he tells me he has mesothelioma.

okay......
really, God?
okay. there is treatment. it was caught early.

running errands with the family.
someone steals little man's DS.
uughhhh.............

and now, as i type, we await hurricane sandy.
lives lost thus far: 65
dubbed "...the largest threat to human life (Connecticut) has experienced in anyone's lifetime." by our governor.

so i trust.
and i pray.
and i have faith.

 via wallbling

as a jesus-girl, i'm not guaranteed a life full of sunshine and daisies.
what i am guaranteed is a God who loves me, who has a plan for me, who is with me always.
no matter what.

real life......{i am who i am}

i've been taking some steps to really organize, fine tune and grow this business of mine.
following the advice of gussy, i began to create an editorial calendar for this here blog.
editorial calendars are nifty tools that keep us on track, accountable to ourselves and inspire some creative, long term planning.
according to said calendar, i'm supposed to share a new design today.
BUT....gussy also said to keep things flexible. so that's just what i'm doing.
i've got some thoughts and feelings swirling around in my head so i thought i'd share them with you to see if we can't sort 'em out and make some sense of them.

this blog is brand spankin new.
my old blog had started to grow. but instead of just keeping with that one, i started a new one.
why? i'm not entirely certain. yes, my business has gone in a different direction.
but why not just rename that one?
i may have had the vague idea of keeping two blogs. not really doable for me but who knows what i was thinking.
anyway..... i'm viewing this as an opportunity to do better with this blog.
better what, exactly? better how?
better content? perhaps. honestly, i really don't see much difference yet between the two.
better direction? yes, please.
better community? perhaps better isn't the right word. closer would be a more accurate description.

 {source}

i think what it boils down to is my motivation and intention.
what was my motivation then? and what is my motivation now?
and what do i mean by "intention"?
"intentional" was my word for the year two years ago.
i thought i'd moved on.
we're taught to look forward. keep moving, keep growing......
but even after we've grown, we still sometimes have to come back to the same lessons.
relearn them. or maybe rework what we've already learned to fit into new circumstances.
and that's okay. more than okay, it's smart.
so i plan to be intentional with this blog.
intentional in the decisions i make as a wife, as a mom, as a business owner and - more importantly - as a jesus girl.
decisions made specifically to support, enhance and represent who i am in those roles.

{source}

and speaking of my business, i realized that i can't really be intentional with my business OR my blog if i don't really know it's purpose.
so i took a moment to jot down a few thoughts....

bonhomieEVENTS & bonhomieDESIGN statement of purpose:

to promote attainable, creative design for home, life and events; to celebrate the joy in life; to assist in creating celebrations reflecting that joy; to design and share what speaks to my heart.

a little broad? maybe.
but that's where i am.
this is where God is calling me to be.
so i want to be here with intention.

into the great unknown........

  (click here for this free printable)

i've been thinking about this post for days now.
i'm still not certain i have the words to explain the way i've been feeling.

God is moving in me. working in me. growing me and changing me and pushing me.
and it's scary, y'all. but exciting at the same time - maybe like what others say about riding a roller coaster (notice i said "others". cuz i am not the one)
so, like that but LARGER.BIGGER.
and also full of JOY.

i may have shared a time or two on my other blog about my musical history.
i used to be "a singer" of sorts........
i sang in front of people, sometimes got paid for it and nobody 'booed' me off the stage so yeah, i guess i was a singer.
like a whole lotta others, i first sang in church.
5 years old with my first solo - crazy!
my mom's mantra was "sing, kirstie, sing" :-)
i never thought i was good enough to really do anything with it.
i'm never gonna be a superstar and i've got no problem with that.

anyway, suffice it to say, i love music. i love singing.
but never am i more moved, more in love, more...........myself.....than when i'm musically praising God.
i didn't do a whole lot of that in the past. i was away from the church - and God - for quite some time.
and even after my return, i was what you might call a timid vocalist. actually always have been.
but something there seems to be..........different.
and i know it's only because of HIM.

as i've gotten into the scripture, as i've gotten closer to God, a funny thing has been happening.
i'm feeling Him closer to me :-)
obviously, He's been there the whole time.
waiting.
and now it's my time.
time to let Him use me and move in me and grow me and change me.....
and i'm lovin it :-)
i'm becoming bold in Christ. stepping out into areas i thought were closed to me.
and i'm finding that they're only closed if God says so.
i don't know where He's taking me and ya know what???
i don't much care! cuz i know that wherever it is, it's gonna be great!

my mom brought me to Christ.
and now, she's with Christ.
but i can still hear her.........."sing, kirstie, sing"

is there an area of your life where you're feeling uncertain? or are you maybe, like me, venturing out into parts unknown? leave a comment - or don't - either way, i'm praying for you!

thankful............

the husband and i are currently participating in a "30 day church challenge" small group. it's purpose is to grow and strengthen the community within our church and to help those participating to "reach our God-given potential."

as i was reading yesterday, i was struck by this sentence:

"an ungrateful heart cannot truly worship, because a worshipful life is a grateful life."

i like to think that i'm grateful.
i thank God each day and night and in-between for my family.
i thank Him for our blessings.
i try to praise Him through the tears and through the pain.

but then i really started to think..........there is SO MUCH MORE to be grateful for.
honestly..... to name every.single.reason. there is for each one of us to be praising God would take until the end of our time here on earth.
and even then, we'd miss something

i decided to challenge myself.
each day, i want to come up with 10 different reasons to be grateful. and i'm sharing my first day with you!

1.  the change of seasons - each one allows me to view with awe the beauty and majesty He has created.
2. i'm so very thankful for the shereadstruth bible study and this small group i'm participating in - it's amazing how GOD works two seemingly different focuses of study together to teach me and lead me on His path.
3. this period of waiting that God has placed me in - it's giving me an opportunity to seek Him without distraction.
4. though painful and uncomfortable, i'm IMMENSELY grateful for this period of growth and change - i'm excited to see where God is leading me
5. my relationship with my mother - good, bad & ugly - i've been able to recognize the mistakes i made and avoid making the same mistakes in other relationships
6. our shallow well - running out of water several times a week is helping me to become more disciplined and organized in my housekeeping routine
7. i complain often about the shortcomings of our home. but if we lived anywhere else, i would be unable to do what i do now
8. i'm thankful for the people God is placing in my life - people i can learn from, people i can teach, people i can laugh with and cry with
9. this world wide web - the many opportunities to connect with others of like mind and heart
10. my insecure heart - it's causing me to seek God, become secure in Him and hold onto the truth of His word.

in an effort to grow this little community, i'm linking up for creating community. won't you join us?